So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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