then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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