The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
