...so i touched it.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
