butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
