everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
