I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you will always have a special place in my vag
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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