So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My balls are so social today.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
