I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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