two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
