So drunk its hurt
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
