You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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