I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So much rum. So many feels.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
