twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
