having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize