if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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