I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
