Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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