she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
