perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
