apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
