margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
