I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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