I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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