after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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