there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
