Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
