Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
