He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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