bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
