I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
