He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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