No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
