I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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