Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
