Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
