miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
