tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
