she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
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A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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