Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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