she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
