Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
