My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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