you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He has the fingertips of a God
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
