i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
