Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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