Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
