I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
