I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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