drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
