If i come over, it means nothing
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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