Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
