That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
