Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
