she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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