I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
