dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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