dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
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Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
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Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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