What did we do last night that was yellow?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
