sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
