Already got asked if we're dating
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
