I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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