MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
