So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
