Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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