I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
