According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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