Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
