i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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