I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
