Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
