remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
